


Scars on your skin, scars on your soul

by VisualSnow



Category: Be More Chill, bmc - Fandom
Genre: Depressed Michael, Gen, My first fic so sorry if it's literally terrible, Self Harm, The squip thing kinda fucked him up, aftermath of the squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 16:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11108454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisualSnow/pseuds/VisualSnow
Summary: It was an accident. Or at least, it was at first. Little droplets of blood pooled in the thin cut on Michael's hand as he removed it from the remnants of a beer bottle. He hadn't meant to break it, it just… happened. But that pin prick of pain, the sting, for just a moment michael forgot about everything. For just a second, he forgot Jeremy.





	Scars on your skin, scars on your soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!! This is my first ever fic on ao3 so please give me some feedback! Thank you for reading this and have a nice day! (Sorry if this sucks >~< )

It was an accident. Or at least, it was at first. Little droplets of blood pooled in the thin cut on Michael's hand as he removed it from the remnants of a beer bottle. He hadn't meant to break it, it just… happened. But that pin prick of pain, the sting, for just a moment michael forgot about everything. For just a second, he forgot Jeremy. With his uninjured hand he reached for an amber coloured shard, testing its sharpness on his thumb. Another prick, another little droplet of blood.

And suddenly he was sliding the glass across his wrist as tears welled in his eyes. Maybe Jeremy was right and he really was just some jealous loser. The thin slices on his wrist bled heavily, but Michael didn't care. Why should he? Now, he had nothing. No one. Jeremy, his best and only friend, hated him. All because of that stupid pill.

“Wish I offed myself instead… wish I was never born…” Michael sniffled, letting the shard of glass fall to the tile floor with a clink. His breathing came fast and hard as tears fell freely onto his cheeks. He curled in on himself, not caring about the blood he was getting on his clothes. Jeremy was gone, replaced by some stupid super-quantum computer bastard. And there was nothing he could do about it. 

~~~

It was three months since Jeremy was discharged from the hospital, and the squip was nothing more than a nightmare from the past. Michael was ecstatic to have Jeremy back, to be able to hang out together like old times. But the squip incident had left Michael anxious and depressed, worsening the problems he already had and creating new ones. Even though Michael hadn’t been squipped himself, it still affected him heavily. The scars on his wrists had worked their way to his hips and thighs. Row upon row of thin lines contrasted against Michaels dark skin, forcing Michael to wear long sleeves and jeans. But summer was quickly approaching, and Jeremy had grown suspicious. 

“Dude, why aren't you taking off your hoodie?” Jeremy had asked one hot afternoon while they were playing video games. “It's like, 100 degrees in here. You've gotta be roasting.”

Jeremy was right, Michael was dying in his long sleeves and jeans. Especially since Jeremy's AC was broken. But he couldn't let Jeremy see his scars. “Don't worry about it. I'm fine.” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. But a tone of defensiveness crept into his voice.

“Are you sure?” Jeremy asked again. “Because I think I still have one of your tank tops from last sum-”

“I said it's fine” Michael accidentally snapped, interrupting Jeremy. “Can we just… play the game?”

“No.” Jeremy replied. “ Michael, i've known you for years. Lately you've been just… different. is something going on?”

“No dude, just chill” Michael said, anxiety rising in his throat. He waved his hand, as if physically wipe away Jeremy's suspicion. Instead, Jeremy grabbed Michael's hand and pulled down the sleeves, revealing the thin scars underneath. Jeremy ran his hand over the thin lines, some fresher than others. 

“Michael, what, why? How long have you been doing this?” Jeremy asked worriedly. “Is that why you're not wearing a t-shirt? Or... shorts? Michael, are you doing it to your legs too?”

Michael wrenched away, smoothing his jacket back over his exposed arm. “That's none of your business, Jeremy.” He said angrily. 

“Bullshit, Michael. It is my business, because I care about you, and you're…” Jeremy moved closer to Michael, gently touching his shoulder. “When did it start?” 

Michael looked away, and spoke with a waver in his voice. He could feel tears threaten to spill. “Remember jake's halloween party? When you were still… when it was in your head? I started throwing a fucking tantrum in the bathroom after you left, and at first I didn't mean to, but it just..” he stopped a sniffled a bit. “I don't feel right, Jeremy. I haven't for a while. And that night, something inside me just… god, I'm so stupid. Stupid, worthless...” his hand went to his wrist, scratching at old scabs and scars. 

“No, no, no you're not stupid Michael.” jeremy said, gently placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. When Michael didn't move away, Jeremy gently turned him to face him. “Listen, you need to stop this, ok? We're gonna get you help, you can see someone. But I'm here for you, ok? and so is jake and rich and Christine and everyone.” 

“Th-thanks jer.” Michael sniffled. “I-I'm sorry.”

“It's ok, Michael.” Jeremy whispered, pulling Michael into a bear hug. Michael gripped him tight, and began to sob into his shoulder. “It's ok.”


End file.
